The mommy miracle
by elligabs
Summary: Back to normal?Princess Eleanor liked to know what normality was. Because most of the previous year, after a terrible car accident, he had been in a coma. Until he woke up, finding himself among the overprotective arms of his family. And also in the arms of his spectacular Ex bodyguard, Jasper Frost with whom he had started dating just before the accident.
1. Capítulo 1 After the dream

Argument:

Back to normal?

Princess Eleanor liked to know what normality was. Because most of the previous year, after a terrible car accident, he had been in a coma. Until he woke up, finding himself among the overprotective arms of his family. And also in the arms of his spectacular Ex bodyguard, Jasper Frost with whom he had started dating just before the accident. But what did Jasper want from her? Why did not her family leave her alone with him? Determined to get answers, Eleanor knocked on the door

from Jasper's house. But what he got was one more question. Who was that newborn baby he had in his arms?

Chapter 1

"It's not ready yet" the words entered through Eleanor's bedroom window

"I agree, it is not!"

It was the usual tonic in the Royal family of the United Kingdom: Eleanor was never ready. Sitting on the bed, trying to put an arm through the strap of the shirt, but the hand refused to move and that meant he could not start the long journey down the stairs to meet the others at the famous family dinner in which, and not on her own initiative, she was the guest of honor.

"I guess they're right," he protested as he tried again. However, he knew that his brother Robert's comment had another intention. She meant that she was not ready. In general. And that ranged from discovering the truth about the Ratoncito Pérez at age seven until his first date at fifteen.

 _She remembered vaguely the previous summer when Robert had even questioned that she was ready to see the photos of Orlando Bloom's wedding published in a magazine. Why was not she prepared on that occasion? To return to work? Of course, not that. He still lacked enough time to re-teach riding lessons. Or create new fashion designs. To read the police report on the accident? For that, maybe I would never be ready. Prepare a tea_?

That's where his brothers were wrong. I had practiced during the rehabilitation sessions and it was an ax pouring the tablespoons of coffee.

"Boys?" He called his brothers "Can you help me out?" From the terrace several exclamations arose and, in less than half a minute, Liam and Robert appeared, the living image of the anguish reflected in their faces.

Then James who hastened to help them "It's okay, Princess" reassured them "You can release the defibrillator and cancel the emergency call, I can not put my arm through the strap and people will be ready to arrive."

"Willow and they just came" confirmed Liam "and Jasper was following them closely."

"Jasper is coming too?" Eleanor's heart hit her hard against the ribs. An awkward silence settled in the room.

"He has behaved fabulously, right?" Liam spoke happily. "How many times did you visit the hospital?"

"Tell me," Eleanor teased. "I was unconscious most of the time."

"Do you have any memories of all that time?" Liam asked hesitantly. "The doctors said you could keep some memories even from the time you did not react."

Liam and she remained expectant, almost without breathing as Eleanor struggled against a strong urge to scream at them to stop worrying about her once and for all. "I would not call it memories ..." he answered at last.

"Do not...?" Liam encouraged her

"But let's not talk about that now, help me down, I'm very slow, my brain gives the order, but the muscles do not respond, it's quite an achievement to have put on these jeans."

Liam, his twin, and brother number two, hugged Eleanor tightly. Eleanor returned the hug and decided that she would have to give her sister some advice on how to take care of herself. Overprotection could work both ways.

"Honey, do not worry, we are very happy that you are well, that you are talking, that you are walking, that you are getting better every day ... and at home, where you belong".

"I know" Eleanor struggled against untimely tears and squeezed her mother's hand "I'm glad too."

When he finally managed to reach the terrace, Jasper, tall and athletic, with his blond hair emitting, was standing without evidencing any consequences of the accident that both had suffered nine months ago.

"But hey, look at yourself!" He grinned, hiding his beautiful gray eyes behind sunglasses.

"Yes" she answered "I have the grace of a ballet dancer."

His dance partner at that time was a walker from which he hoped to get rid of it soon with effort and hard work, as doctors and therapists had assured him.

"Do not be pessimistic" insisted Jasper "Even a week ago you were much worse."

"I know, and I'm not being pessimistic, believe me."

She felt tremendously aware of his presence, of the tall, stocky body. It had been a little more than nine months since they had passionately made love for the last time, but for her only a day had passed. He remembered perfectly how their bodies fit together, the warm, fresh masculine scent. He remembered the words he had whispered in the darkness, charged with ardent sensuality. Would he ever think about it?

Helena helped him to sit down and removed the walker. The terrace was in semi-shade and ran a nice breeze. A perfect day. Dev pulled up an armchair and sat beside him leaning against the backrest. However, she had the feeling that he did not feel as carefree as he pretended to look.

Were they dating?

Would it be correct to ask?

"Er ... excuse me, Jasper, I've been in a coma for almost eight months. Could you update me on our relationship?

Suddenly he remembered Helena's comment that she was not ready yet. Was not I prepared to know that Jasper was with another?

A cold hole opened in his stomach. A hole that should not be there since he had been completely frank nine months ago.

"I have nothing to offer you, Eleanor," she had said, "I'll only be here until Dad is back to America, away from you, where I can not hurt anyone." My career is in New York and it does not leave me time for a commitment. I love you, but, if what interests you is a lasting relationship, I'm not the right man ... Not for you, Robert will never leave us alone and I do not want any more problems "

What could a woman respond to that? Jasper had been well-meaning. He was not the kind of man who promised what he could not fulfill, or who tricked a girl with sweet lies to make him sleep with him. He said things the way he felt them ... To some extent ..

Nine months ago they had only talked about a brief adventure, to say goodbye with a broad smile and no grudges. However, in those moments he was sitting next to her, scrutinizing her face, examining her as if he worried that he could not do it. And in a way he could not.

Everything was going too fast. he got up to greet Robert's wife. Eleanor's mother came out of the kitchen, Willow, Kate, James and Sarah Alice greeted her with huge smiles and looks. expectantly, Sarah Alice hurried to pull her by the legs, Eleanor staggered to one side and Jasper hurried to catch her, held her until she was able to recompose.

"Sarah Alice!" her father reprimanded her and Eleanor made a couple of gestures to leave things as they were.

Kathryn and Liam who had disappeared when she set foot in the palace, appeared carrying two huge bags of diapers, a small portable park and a baby in a stroller. A lovely little girl of a few weeks. Eleanor was not even

known that his brother was going to have a baby, learning of Lucy's existence after birth, in another episode of "not yet ready", and still did not know his niece, they could not say anything unless a doctor will authorize it.

"She is asleep!" Grandma exclaimed "How beautiful it is, how it has grown in two weeks."

"Can we install it somewhere quiet?" he asked me, though it was too late, as the baby began to stretch, stretching the little body in the small space of the stroller and letting out an impressive shriek.

"He's hungry" explained the baby's mother "Where can I get?"

"Not here," Helena said reproachfully. She was a traditional queen and in her world, breastfeeding and changing diapers could not occupy the same space as a family dinner of the royal family.

"Liam, could you put some cushions on ... Where do I put myself?"

"In my room," Eleanor chimed in, "there's a lot of cushions and fresh flowers, and a rocking chair."

"I think I'll have to change it first ..." He looked around, but Liam had already disappeared. Holding Lucy with her legs dangling, she looked for the diaper bag while the little girl bellowed with an annoyed gesture "It's dirty, I still do not feel like it, where is the monitor, we're going to need it if you fall asleep. no idea if she wants to fall asleep, when she cries like that, everybody says it's harder to be a new mother "

"Easy, give it to me" was Jasper who stepped forward to take the baby in his arms, cradling her against the shoulder "Shh, shut up, nothing happens."

Eleanor felt a strange and involuntary tingle in her chest, and also a familiar longing in her heart _. How could he look calm and confident with a tiny baby in his arms? Why was he still in London and not already in New York?_

Suddenly, an image re-emerged in his mind. It was the first night they had made love after she returned from her trip with Sebastian. They had gone to bed on the first date. A good princess should never do something like that, but of course, it had not really been a first date. He had known Jasper for a couple of years and had succumbed to an eternity of hidden feelings, succumbed to the masculine hands that surrounded his body so well, to the familiar voice in his ears.

"Thanks, Jasper!" exclaimed Kathryn as she rummaged in her purse, not looking surprised that Jasper had taken control.

But Eleanor was. Not so much for control but for what I was controlling. In high finance, construction, sports or politics, Jasper Frost could take control in the blink of an eye _. But with a baby?_

 _What did he know about babies?_

"He does not even want to have children." The idea came from nothing, from the memories before the accident.

"Have I suffered amnesia?" I had asked one day.

"Not like in the movies," the doctors had replied "But, logically, there are some gaps, many of them will fill up again with time, others never."

"Gaps like the accident?"

"Yes. You probably never remember it."

However, he did remember that Jasper did not want to have children. How could he remember something like that? While watching the man with the baby in his arms, he searched his mind. He was dressed in jeans and a gray polo that marked a sculpted body based on running and practicing outdoor sports. He had an impressive musculature and Eleanor's fingers remembered her, although she tried to remember something else, that of not wanting children.

If she did not want to have children, how could she focus all that male strength into the tender caresses and whispers needed to reassure a baby?

"Be careful, your back is wet," she observed as she handed the girl back to her mother.

It had been while they were having dinner, he remembered. They had gone out together, and had gone to bed, three times after Eleanor's return from her trip. For her it had been very deep from the beginning. He had fallen in love with him for a long time, when he was even his bodyguard.

He did not remember how the conversation about children had arisen during that dinner. Maybe because of something related to their rhythm of life. He lived in constant danger at the expense of his escort work.

However, that had happened in October of the previous year and it was still there. The accident could explain it in part. On October 8, they headed back to the palace after appointment number four, a walk in the mountains followed by a dinner, when a driver who was driving in the opposite direction had lost control in a curve. Jasper had broken his leg in three places and would always wear metal plates, but he did not even limp, so he could leave without problems to New York, or to Geneva.

And yet he was on the summer terrace of the castle, joking with Liam. On several occasions he had come to the hospital to visit her, after waking up, and had seen her in her most vulnerable moment, torn in tears and struggling to try to move and talk, fighting against his uncooperative body. At all times he had offered his consolation, showing himself cautious at the same time, without speaking of anything personal. And in those moments there was still a mess, without knowing what that might mean

"Is he out here? How is he?" until the terrace came the voice of Uncle Cyrus. Apparently everyone had been invited to the dinner and Eleanor was beginning to feel tired and somewhat overwhelmed. He had been discharged the previous day and would still have to go to daily rehabilitation sessions. For the moment, he had only spent one night in his bed.

"Uncle Cyrus .. is it weird is not it?"

"What, civilized behavior? It's a sign of peace .. For my favorite niece" he winked cheekily offering a glass of champagne

"If I remember correctly I'm your only niece" she gave him a mischievous look and accomplice. After a while Liam appeared with Lucy in his arms, fully awake and satisfied.

"Will you leave it to me?" Eleanor asked impulsively. "If you put a cushion under my arm, I will not have to use any muscle." I felt a strange surge of emotion,

"Would you like to hold her, dear?" asked his mother with a strange tone of voice.

Where did it come from? Was he watching? what the hell?

"Is not that what I just said?"

"Quick, have someone bring a cushion from the sofa," the woman ordered as if the baby were a hand grenade ready to explode if Eleanor did not support her on a cushion.

"I'm coming" James yelled, running to follow the order, Eleanor blinked a couple of times and frowned.

Immediately a servant brought several clutches with awkwardness and gasping breath. "Wow! Sure, if I ask for a convertible sports car with red leather seats, I'll have one this afternoon parked at the entrance," she thought. «I'll have to consider it ...».

"Hold her head" Liam placed the cushion between the chair arm and his sister's arm "If you're not sure, Ellie ..."

"Come now, Liam, it's not like the baby was going to bite me if I held him in my arms."

"Yes, but this is my baby," Liam joked in a trembling voice. That is, it was one of those things of first-time parents. However, there was a strange atmosphere in the air. Everyone, Mom, Liam, Liam, especially Liam, watched her intently.

The accident. The coma. That was the reason. When would all this end?

"Are not you exaggerating a bit?" his uncle murmured, although nobody paid attention to him.

Eleanor inhaled the sweet smell of milk that the baby held in her arms, the smell of her little head covered with silky dark hair, and the touch of lavender in the little cotton dress. He was sweet and adorable, and he did not care that everyone looked at them. It was one of the most perfect things in the world: a person cradling a newborn baby.

"What a beautiful and sweet thing," he murmured. "Thank you for not crying with your aunt."

He leaned down and kissed her head delicately while, on the verge of tears, inhaled his scent again. When he stood up, the aroma of fried onions also came to him. Sometimes his brain reacted like this. As if all his senses had been reborn. And suddenly it reached the point of saturation.

"Can you take her away, Liam?" My arms begin to tire.

"You have done very well," his Robert praised, seconded by the others.

"You're good?" Jasper asked, leaning over her.

"I need to eat something."

"That is all?"

"Well, I'm tired ..."

The baby yawned for her and the mother muttered something about taking her inside. "To the bedroom ... insisted his mother" No al ... "

"No, I know," replied the young mother entering the castle. "Of course I need to eat something," Eleanor admitted.

"Stay sitting," Jasper ordered. "I'll bring you something ... you did great with the baby," he added.

"And you too."

"Yeah, well" he took a deep breath "A little bacon?"

"Yes please!"

"You need to rest," Jasper observed. "Right now."

"I'm fine," Eleanor tried to say, though it came out of her lips like a croak.

"You're right, Jasper," his mother finally gave in. "We'll take you upstairs."

"But Lucy is sleeping in her bed" protested Liam

"With the sofa will be enough" answered Eleanor

"Come here," Jasper ordered. He helped her up and grabbed her without passing the walker. "Do not worry, I have you."

Eleanor leaned against him. For his newborn babies, he smelled of pine, cereal and wood. It was much better than the walker, much more solid and warm. And his heart wanted to stay with him for hours, although his body refused to collaborate.

They reached the sofa and he cupped her cushions and covered her with the crochet bedspread his mother had not yet finished. "Rest well."

"I will do it."

"I'll leave the walker by hand, in case you need to get up."

"Thank you, Jasper." The words were spoken with closed eyes so she was not sure if he had touched her, although she did seem to feel a caress. And he did not want to open his eyes to discover that he had made a mistake, or left.

He must have left, for there was a great sense of stillness in the room.

"James?"

"Yes, princess.."

"I need to go out ..."

"But pre-play I do not think ..."

"I do not want dogs, James, I need to breathe and here I feel terrible .. Everyone treats me like a cripple, they murmur behind my back and they think I'm going to break him if they look at me for a long time" he sighed when he saw the apprehensive look of the security chief " Please Foxy "a pout

"Okay ... Do you want me to accompany you?"

"No, thank you," he insisted to James with more kindness "If I have not returned in forty-five minutes, you can send a rescue patrol, and I'll take the cell phone and Rosie."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure, James, just help me down the steps to the entrance and prepare the driver."

It was great to be alone, outside the hospital without anyone watching. "Yes, you can do it!" She encouraged herself at every step.

«I could walk for miles!». Well, there maybe I had exaggerated a bit. It would take her time, she still needed a lot of concentration for each step and it was also very hot, but she did not give up easily.

I could walk to Jasper's apartment. It did not make sense. His father had already left ... why was he still there?

It had something to do with her, with the accident. She was sure of that, and yes, her family had managed to put him in the vicious circle of "we have to protect Eleanor who can not breathe on her own", she had to stop it.

Of course I was going to pay Jasper a visit. They were going to have a little talk.


	2. Capitulo 2 the talk

Chapter 2

"Shh," Jasper whispered, cradling the baby delicately against his shoulder. It did not help. He had been more successful with Lucy than with his own daughter. He had heard her bellow from the road that led to the house and had been received by a troubled nanny, more than ready to leave.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Frost, but you do not want to calm down."

He had taken the baby in his arms, had dispatched the nanny and tried everything that had occurred to him during the last hour, but CH kept crying. From his experience of more than two months he knew that in the end he would calm down, that it was nothing more than a colic, but it was not fun to hear him cry with such desperation.

The Henstride and secret security had adopted an overly protective attitude toward everyone involved in Eleanor's accident. And he often suspected that the Henstrides would take CH away if they could. Maybe I should give them custody and return to New York.

However, his heart rebelled at the idea, as he rebelled against the excessive solicitude of the royal family. Eleanor and Robert's mother insisted with great enthusiasm that she needed help with the baby. At that time a little help would have hurt him, but, given the situation, it was totally unfeasible. The baby had to stay safe and away from the palace of the Henstride. At least until Tuesday, when Eleanor would come to the appointment with her doctors and therapists.

Two days were missing.

His stomach flipped.

How did someone prepare for something like that? He had been arguing with the Henstrides on the subject for several weeks. They thought that Eleanor was not ready yet, but he could no longer bear the lies, the secrets, the silences, even though he was afraid to think about what could happen as soon as he knew it.

As Eleanor progressed in her recovery, the doctors became more insistent on the subject of her rights to know the truth and to what she was strong enough. The zero hour for the revelation had been set at ten o'clock on Tuesday morning.

 _How would Eleanor react? How would he fit in the picture? Would he understand how much he loved that girl, a surprise gift in their lives? Jasper could not stand the uncertainty and needed to know where he was, but before there was much to do. To begin, how to tell?_

 _«Eleanor, you should know that while you were in a coma ...»._

CH barked though a little looser. Was not it very hot? He was in favor of open windows and fresh air, but what was best for the baby? He cradled her a little more and the girl seemed to relax against his shoulder, shedding a sweet smell of milk. He loved that creature more than he could have ever imagined and had no idea what would happen when Eleanor knew.

"Stop crying, darling, calm, nothing happens, does the little one hurt, less, right?"

 _ **«How could it happen to me?».**_

Even after the accident, his idea had been to leave as soon as the leg was healed. Eleanor had her family and she would not have been alone if she recovered, even if she remained in a coma indefinitely. He had nothing to do next to his bed other than to watch her as his mother and brothers did.

But then ... CH suffered another spasm and she writhed and shouted in his arms. "Right away it will pass, my life" he cradled her while he massaged the little girl with a finger.

 _ **«How could it happen to me?».**_

What would change starting on Tuesday?

"Everything, my girl," he murmured. I was terrified!

The knock on the door startled him. Without letting go of CH, whose crying was beginning to subside to a whimper, Jasper opened and immediately knew he would not have to wait until Tuesday.

The zero hour had gone ahead.

That baby was not Lucy. Eleanor guessed it in forty seconds, while Jasper and she looked at each other perplexed. That baby was not Lucy because Lucy belonged to Kathryn and Liam who had gone back to her apartment, and was also smaller than that little thing.

That little thing, it was obvious, belonged to Jasper and explained his skill with Lucy hours before. I had practice. A lot.

"You better get in." Jasper pulled away "I think he's about to fall asleep, you have not caught her at her best, I wish you could see her smile, it started a month ago."

"It's a girl?"

"Yes."

"As it is called?"

"Well ... uh ... I call her CH .."

"CH" she repeated without expression. He called her CH, but was not his name?

"You should sit down, you need it, it shows."

"Yes, it's true" until that moment Jodie had not realized it, but her legs were shaking.

 _Jasper had a baby._

With one hundred percent certainty I could say that Jasper had a baby. He wore a cloth over his shoulder to soak up possible vomiting and with one hand patted his ass. In the middle of the room was a small playground like the one his brother had brought that morning, though Lucy was clearly too small to play with something like that.

Jasper's baby was, of course, older. He had just mentioned that he had been smiling for a month and he assumed that the baby was around six weeks old, or about ten weeks.

Eleanor answered. Nine months plus two and a half was equivalent to almost a year. While she was "busy," trying to overcome the teenage love affair, Jasper's baby's mother was already pregnant.

And where was that mother? Who was that mother?

"Sit here," Jasper told him.

The apartment was nice. "I take care of the walker" Jasper continued "Do you fancy a coffee .. Tea or something?"

"I'm not well."

"Listen, it's obvious we have to talk, let me bring you something."

"Is ... Is there anyone else here?"

"Nobody else."

That was able to understand it. "But the baby..."

"Wait a second" CH had fallen asleep and Jasper put on a kind of sling that turned out to be a kangaroo where he placed the girl "If I let her off now, she'll wake up again" she explained "She has to be a little more deeply asleep"

"You're very good at it."

"Yes, well, not so much, I'm in it, and I have a lot of help."

An uncomfortable silence settled between them. None made reference to CH's mother

Jasper said nothing.

Eleanor did not dare ask.

"It's adorable" she finally spoke as she wondered if she should feel angry or hurt.

 _ **«Oh! You have a baby. Congratulations. You said you did not want to have children, but it's clear that the mother, whoever she is, did not get the message. "**_

 _Unless..._

The accidents happened. Accidents that generated babies, accidents that broke legs in three places or left people in a coma. Jasper and some woman had suffered one of those accidents about eleven months before and there was the baby. His mother had probably gone out in search of diapers or milk. I would meet her at another time.

"I do not understand," he babbled at last.

"I do not blame you, Eleanor, this was scheduled for Tuesday. Does your family know that

you are here?"

"My family ... Well, look, there are times when you seem to have too much family, I told them that I was going to take a walk around the block and that I did not need company, only Rosie. Five minutes had not returned, they sent a rescue patrol, it was an impulse that brought me here. "

"I'd better warn you."

"It has not been forty-five minutes yet." she frowned

"I think you're going to have a good time" Jasper had already picked up the phone and dialed the key that connected with the number of Eleanor's mother

He liked his direct, safe ways. It was comforting.

"Helena?" snorted "I just wanted you to know that Eleanor is here ... No, it was not my idea ... There is no choice ... Now I can not discuss it with you, you will have to trust me ... Of course I will ... No, I just ... Please ... Yes, until now. "

"What's this all about, Jasper?" Eleanor tried to stand up, but her legs refused to cooperate. The walk had exhausted her more than she would have liked.

"What we had said, too much family."

"That's…"

"First, explain why you came to my house, how did you think ...?" He broke off and whispered an oath "Explain why you came."

"I wanted to ask you, or thank you ..." Jasper's insecurity made Eleanor also have difficulty finding the words "come and see me at the hospital."

"Nothing else?" Jasper looked suspicious, as if he expected much more than that.

"Well, and also for ... I do not know if I'm the reason why you did not return to New York according to your plans."

"Hell, of course I was not going back to New York!"

She looked at him perplexed and he seemed to understand something, something she did not understand. And suddenly, in a familiar sensation, his body stopped belonging to him.

Was that going from his accident and the slow recovery or was there something else? Jasper was still whispering oaths. Suddenly he sat on the couch in front of the sofa, carefully holding the baby.

"Jasper ..." Elenor began "Let's pretend that I've spent almost nine months in a coma Tell me anything you think I should know We pretend that my family has a habit of protecting me from the most ridiculous things, and also from the most And tell me even what you think I already know, what did you mean by saying that this was planned for Tuesday, what did you mean by saying that there is no choice, and even if it seems out of context, what is it doing here? baby and where is your mom? "


	3. Capítulo 3Who is the baby?

Chapter 3

 _ **"Does not know. He does not understand anything ».**_ The idea was spinning non-stop in Jasper's head. It should not have happened like that.

It scared him how it could affect ties with his baby. What if Eleanor wanted to have the girl alone for her? What if they suddenly left him out? He was not prepared for that, but how far could he press for custody and access to the girl when her mother was still far from recovered?

 _What was the best for CH?_

At least, once revealed the secret, would know where he and the girl were placed in the general picture, but had to choose the right time. It had to be done well.

He and Eleanor's family had been arguing for weeks, guessing that maybe she somehow knew something and that a small detail could awaken her memory. But no one had thought that it was Eleanor who determined the moment of revelation.

Jasper would have wanted to tell him earlier and James and Liam had agreed. However, both Robert and Helena preferred to wait, insisting that she was not ready for news of that caliber. The doctors and therapists wanted to respect the desires of both families, but had become increasingly insistent with each advance in the state of Eleanor after relapse into the serious infection that had suffered after the birth of CH

Everything had happened in stages, not as if he had woken up one fine day.

"I'm back, bring me up to date on what I've missed."

During the comatose state he had shown some awareness, fueling the hope of a recovery, but very gradually.

First he had begun to follow the movement with his eyes, but could not speak.

Later, his level of consciousness had gone from "coma" to "minimal state of consciousness." He began to vocalize sounds, but without words. Then he began to use words, but without phrases. He started to move, but without strength or control. He cried non-stop, asking again and again: "Where am I? What happened to me?"

As soon as she understood and accepted the accident and the need for therapy, she began to work tirelessly, determined to recover completely.

"Until I return home," Helena had insisted, and the therapists had agreed that, emotionally, it might be for the best. They had to go little by little and there was no need to risk their physical recovery with such shocking news.

How was someone telling someone something like that?

 _ **« When we suffered the accident you were five weeks pregnant, although we are almost certain that you did not know. You gave birth at thirty-three weeks of gestation, still in a coma, just a couple of weeks before opening your eyes ».**_

And he told you. Although not with the fluidity with which it had sounded in his head.

"It's ... it's yours, Elenor," he finished babbling. Yours? Do not! He was not going to sabotage himself "Ours" quickly clarified "I did not know what to call her and I thought you'd like to decide it for yourself, that's why we call her CH, for our favorite initials. This should take place on Tuesday, in the consultation, surrounded by doctors and therapists and people who could answer all your questions, help you to face it. "

The words sounded stupid even to himself _ **. «Face it».**_ Doctors could help you cope with a cancer diagnosis, but that was different.

Unable to speak, Eleanor looked at him with wide eyes. He had a fragile complexion, which accentuated his shock even more. It gave the impression that a breath of wind could take it away, but you had to be very careful to tell them if you did not want to suffer their reaction.

And in the hospital, after talking and moving again, she had behaved similarly and demonstrated with each step that was as strong and determined as she pretended to be. His whole life had been the same. But for the first time I did not fight. I was paralyzed. Jasper had expected some protest, an accusation of trying to drive him crazy, but he did not say anything. He believed it from the beginning and that made him think that perhaps in a remote and tiny corner of his brain he knew the truth.

She cocked her head, blinking repeatedly, "Hmmm .. How ..." She looked away from him tense, "I have thousands of questions," she babbled at last.

"Of course, question, I'll answer you as best I can."

"I can not."

"Ask?"

"Do it" she tried to get up, but her legs did not respond.

"Sit down," Jasper insisted, "You do not have to say anything, do not do anything, I'll talk."

"Agree."

So Jasper spoke, keeping an impersonal tone that made him feel safe, keeping things quiet so as not to overwhelm her at once. He told her about the pains of childbirth, the rapid birth that everyone had wanted to relieve the pressure on his body. He told him about the height and weight of CH, and about the circumference of his head. He spoke proudly of the strength of the baby, inherited from his mother. Despite her premature birth, CH had left the ICU for neonates in a couple of days and in less than two weeks had been able to go home.

"To home?" exclaimed Eleanor in a hoarse voice.

"Here, and also to the palace, he spends a lot of time there" more than he liked, although he could not object to it when Eleanor's future was uncertain and his was still unsolved. Could you take care of your baby one day? And if he did, did that mean he would return to New York?

"Why are you here in London?"

That question was inappropriate, was not it? Jasper took a deep breath to give her time to realize herself, but changed her mind.

There was no written script. Eleanor could ask the questions she wanted and in the desired order. And he should be glad that he had not shown an immediate and irrepressible desire to take the baby in his arms. He could not stand the idea of losing his daughter, not even with custody and a generous visiting regime. They were very close.

"I'm still working on the security system," he explained, trying to remain calm "My return to New York is not yet fixed, I have rented my apartment and in October I have a conference in Sweden, followed by a couple of months of work in London."

"You were supposed to go back to New York last Christmas, was your father's health the reason to change plans?"

How could it be that he did not understand?

"They discovered your pregnancy before the plates were placed on my leg."

"How?"

"Because of the blood tests they did to you, when they told me ..."

"You knew you had no other choice," she helped.

Before that there was nothing to say, although perhaps reproach the tone of bitterness or anger in the voice. At the time I had not had another choice. He was not going to abandon his baby before he was born. I was not going to deprive him of a father when maybe he would never have a mother. But that was different.

"I do not want to have another choice," he clarified. "It takes time for this to happen."

"You said you did not want to have children."

"You remember?"

"It was during a dinner, you had steak with pepper, I had strawberry cake for dessert."

"Do you remember all that?"

"Yes. For me, that cake I ate yesterday.

A request for a jasper to be explained subsided. Of course I was not talking about dessert.

"What did John Lennon say once?" Jasper spoke slowly

 _ **(Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans.)**_

"Or while you're in a coma." she made a stubborn pout

"Yes, that too."

They both smiled shyly and something jumped inside Jasper. He also had a couple of memories that seemed the day before. The passion, almost fierce, of Eleanor in bed as if she also had to demonstrate her strength in making love. The cheeky smile as she undressed. And his own ambivalences. He had told himself that he would kiss her only briefly and that he would stop his hands if he made any attempt to undress.

But when the time came, she undressed. She crossed her arms over her chest and lifted her shirt to reveal a pink bra that covered beautiful, firm breasts. Then she had gotten rid of her skirt. And he had smiled at her.

After that, stopping had been totally out of place. He had used protection, but maybe he had put it on too late.

"The dates do not fit," she exclaimed suddenly "The girl is too old, she smiles, Lucy still does not smile."

"Because CH was premature," he explained, "Healthy premature babies learn to smile at the same time as full-term babies, even if they are smaller and somewhat slower in other ways." CH and Lucy should have been born with a couple of weeks apart. But the doctors insist that it was better for you if you were not born at term and that you were so small. Do you want to take her in your arms? "

He had said it without thinking. He had seemed so happy with Lucy in his arms. But CH was different. CH had his story.

"No" Eleanor became visibly tense and stammered "She ... she ... Best when she's asleep, if I upset her and she starts crying ..."

"Easy, I'll let you in the kangaroo, you'll see how easy it is." Jasper could hardly believe what he was saying. Five minutes earlier he had been worried about whether Eleanor's maternal instinct was too strong and suddenly he was forcing her to feel it. I was not sure what I wanted anymore.

"No. I can not." Eleanor's weak hand closed over her own thigh. "I can not." Eleanor heard the note of panic in her voice, but could not help it. I was terrified. She could not explain it to Jasper, not even to herself. But there was a huge difference between taking little Lucy in her arms and taking that baby.

 _ **(My baby. Half an hour ago I did not even know it existed. But it's mine).**_ It was overwhelming.

It should have been wonderful. A miracle _ **. (Jasper loves her. Noticeable)**_

And yet it was not wonderful. It was scary. _**(Thank God Jasper loves her, because I do not.)**_

 _Do not! He had to love his own daughter. And he did it. Of course he did. So, why did not I feel it? Why had not that feeling come up immediately as it had happened to her sisters, like any normal mother the first time she sees her baby?_

 _Why did he feel so much tenderness towards Lucy and yet so much distance and fear towards that baby?_

 _Fear? I was not used to giving in to fear._

She took a deep breath, ready to tell Jasper that he would take her in his arms. He would have extended his hands before pronouncing the words, but his movements were too slow. And before he could do or say anything, Jasper accepted his rejection and provided an excuse.

"You're tired," he observed as he breathed a sigh of relief, as if he doubted the strength and coordination of Eleanor's arms. "We should wait a bit."

She almost protested. Almost.

He was right. I had been trying to keep up the pace all day and I was exhausted. So he said nothing and watched out of the corner of his eye how Jasper put the child to bed, with extreme care and heartbreaking tenderness, in the little car parked in a corner of the room.

"Very tired" he answered finally "I'm sorry"

 _ **«I'm very sorry, CH».**_

"Do not be severe with yourself."

"Me, me" did he know? Did he understand the magnitude of his panic?

"We'll take it easy, nothing happens."

"Yes thanks."

There was a car in the entrance followed by footsteps and the voices of Robert and his mother. Jasper ran to the door before they could ring the bell.

"Are you still here?" asked his mother.

"Yes, but why are you here, Helena? I clearly asked you not ..."

"I'm sorry, but we could not ... I'm sorry." Helena had clearly sensed Jasper's anger. "We have the right to participate in this, right? CH is also ours."

"You'd better get in."

"Thanks," Robert replied dryly.

"I think it's the best, Jasper," Helena whispered more sweetly.

"We are as involved in this as you are" again Robert

Soon they sat on either side of Eleanor, talking and caressing her non-stop as if reciting a work a thousand times rehearsed and learned by heart.

"Honey, are you okay? You obviously already know, there are so many things to talk about, that's why we wanted to wait until you were ready, what did Jasper tell you?"

"You barely gave me time to tell him anything," he protested.

"Listen, none of us has experience in a situation like this, Jasper"

"Lower your voice," he reproached Robert

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he looked surprised at the baby "Are you sleeping in the stroller?"

"During the day it seems to sleep better there."

"Well, then I guess ..." "I never did something like that with any baby" Helena cleared her throat uncomfortably

"It's okay, I would not sleep so quiet if I was not comfortable."

"If you say it."

The tension was chewed between Jasper and Robert, and his mother seemed cornered and unhappy. Eleanor leaned against the back of the sofa and began to tremble. Would others notice? She felt more tired than she had been in her life and her lips were dry. He closed his eyes and prayed that chaos, tension and questions would end.

"We take her away, Eleanor, are you ready to go home?"

"Yes, take it," she answered, opening her eyes.

 _ **«Who is that creature? How can it even exist? ».**_

"No ... I do not know what I want to do" he stammered "I think I need more space ... Another nap" his bed seemed the safest place in the world.

There was an awkward silence during which Robert, his mother and Jasper looked at each other, shrugged, raised their eyebrows and gestured. A body language that escaped the ability to understand Eleanor at those times.

"I guess it's an option," Eleanor observed. "You could take her away and Eleanor stay here."

"That's not ..." was not what he had meant. But the rest of the sentence simply did not come up and the first part had barely been audible to the others.

"I'll put her in the car without her waking up," Jasper continued. "I have a couple of bottles ready."

"At home there are bottles and diapers, clothes, babysitters ... everything you know, it's bath time."

"I'll take Eleanor home when she's ready, she'll be fine, we need to talk."

Between the three of them they had organized everything while Eleanor struggled to raise an arm and remove a lock of hair that covered her eyes. I was going to stay with Jasper to talk. The baby was back with mom and Robert before his own mother even touched him.

He would have liked to discuss the plan, but the words refused to come out and when the baby, his mother and Robert had left, he felt immense relief and immense shame for relief, and an immense, immense weariness.

"I can not ..." he began.

"I know you still can not, first you must sleep."

"Two naps a day, I'm like ..." he interrupted.

"A baby _ **." "My baby".**_

"You rest."

"Why are not you in New York? You do not need to be here anymore, it's obvious that CH is cared for and that she is loved, obviously I have enough help, why?"

"Because it's about my daughter" the last two words came up with moving intensity "Because we're a family, you, me and CH, all three, and that's not negotiable."

"A family ..." Eleanor savored the words without knowing what they felt.

"Not a conventional family, of course."

"Do not."

"But CH needs a family." Jasper paused.

Eleanor completed the sentence in her mind _ **. (And not necessarily a bunch of guys and grandparents as in the typical families ...)**_

"I'm part of the group and I'm not going to leave, and we have a lot to do and talk about, a lot to decide about how it's going to work." declared Jasper tense and alarmingly defensive

Eleanor opened her eyes wide and gritted her teeth,

 _ **what was he accusing her of?**_


End file.
